My friend M lost his grandmother on Monday 12 November. She was 69 years old and had been battling lung (and then bone cancer) from about April of this year. She was a special lady and I’d like to dedicate a little slice of lemon cake to her.
Maria was a small Scottish woman, the centre of her family. She had a great accent and a wonderful sense of humour. She lost her parents at a young age, and moved to Derry, N. Ireland to live with a relative. She was married to Frankie, and they had five children. M was the first grandchild, she had 11. When M was 7 his Mum moved back in with her parents for a few months and Maria and Frankie graciously welcomed her, M and his little brother and two baby sisters into their home which already housed their 4 remaining children. M and his brother slept in a room with their 3 teenage uncles, and as we quietly sat by Maria’s side at the wake telling stories, we marvelled that they had all fitted into that little room.
The wedding album was on show at the wake, the photos were beautiful. It was 1968. Maria wore a simple dress with long flared sleeves, a very puffy veil, and wicked eyeliner. M’s Mum is the image of her. Frankie looked tall, proud and happy. I wish I had a photo to show you. I will ask M. Everyone admired it. It was gorgeous, I would be glad to have such a lovely wedding album and so bittersweet to see all that life and hope and happiness.
Maria would make dinner ‘tea’ for her whole family including the grandchildren every Thursday, and in her wonderful Scottish accent would ask them, ‘Do you want tea with your tea?’ We said it so much that about 5 years ago, I think it was M’s 20th birthday, our friend Aisling made him a mug that had those words on it. Tea and custard creams were her favourite, and on the first night of the wake one of the younger children put a cup and a custard cream in with their Granny.
It must have been New Years 2011, at M’s family home, we all stood up to hug and kiss and go outside to see the Chinese Lanterns filling the skies, Maria took my arm and said ‘Open the window. We did that in Scotland to let the old year out and the new year in.’ I really liked this and it will always stay with me.
M and I had a break earlier this year, it was a very hard, sad time for us. We missed each other a lot and one day we decided to meet to chat the next time I was home from Belfast. We went to our favourite Starbucks in the car and before we had any sort of talk we caught up and he told me both his Granny and Granda were ill and his Granny had cancer. I just cried. It was a mixture of everything, not being there for him when he found this out and for wee, gentle Maria.
Even though she was ill she came to family gatherings for a little while, she gave all she could. She was very excited at the birth of her newest grand daughter Annie in August. The end still came as a shock to her husband, daughters and sons and grandchildren and friends. She got taken into hospital on Sunday morning, and she died peacefully surrounded by her family in the early hours of Monday morning.
So many people came to the house over the two days, it was really good for the family. They all pulled together, and as they are a close family anyway, it wasn’t strange to have everyone together , just comforting. I have learned that their are different ways to be close.
M did a reading at the funeral Mass, it was very difficult for him and both his auntie and the priest quietly offered to do it for him. He refused and battled through it, I know he was determined to do it for Maria and I was so proud. He feels like he has let his Granny down but I know she would be even prouder. I wished I could have walked over and cuddled him in the middle of Mass. I know he held a special place in her heart, he made her laugh more than anyone.
I was glad to know her, she was greatly loved and will be missed dearly.
God bless, Maria. You have a beautiful family who will make you proud. Look out for them all and we will keep you in our prayers as you always prayed for us x