Hey you guys, I was starting to get blog withdrawal. My exam and essays are finally over and I have a few days of freedom left before the full-time hours in work begin over the summer. Not only do I have to remove any trace of my presence from the house in Belfast that I resided in for my 2nd year at University, I have come home to the news that the ENTIRE family home is being redecorated AND because Jacob is big enough to get his own bed all the rooms are being reshuffled. And I will no longer have my own room. (Not that it was ever ‘mine’ alone, you understand, every second I am not in it there is someone sitting on my bed, using up all my deodorant and dry shampoo, stealing any clothes that aren’t too big, flicking their contact lenses all over the show etc etc). So anyway this means that the lovely orange wallpaper that has adorned my walls for 14 years or so has to be stripped. This means that nothing such as books, photos, posters, notice boards, notebooks, jewellery stands can be touching the walls. This means massive clear out. I have spent all day trying to sift through the stuff I don’t read and neatly organise the stuff I can’t part with and create a bag of stuff to sell on eBay. The ‘keeping’ segment prevails. I am a hoarder, apparently.
It was a very frustrating task that still isn’t finished. The amount of sheer stuff I have accumulated in almost 22 years is shocking… It’s actually probably just about 14 years because my mother is the opposite of a hoarder and has probably thrown out everything I owned previous to this. I have a big CD collection for someone who is pretty clueless about music. This seems to include every Will Young single there was. CDs are major dust catchers. I have many books that overflow the few shelves I have. I DO try to weed out the books I KNOW I won’t re read semi-regularly but again, there are so many that I loved and can’t part with. I can’t wait to have a big, gorgeous bookcase when I eventually get my own house. I am banishing all my photo albums to the attic to be discovered anew in years to come.
It’s amazing the memories that are attached to mere things. Often bittersweet, a photograph or someone’s handwriting can take you right back to an unfamiliar yet familiar place where things were very different than they are now. There are things that maybe you know you shouldn’t hold on to, yet somehow made you who you are and you are afraid to
part with incase you forget a part of yourself. There was an essay I wrote in school that I didn’t want to throw away incase it appears on some website in 20 years time when I am a famous author. *ahem* There are cute things, like drafts of love poems and letters that the 17 year old me wrote for my still-the-same boyfriend. Tickets for shows and receipts for fun times, like cakes in the Queen of Tarts. Sometimes I slip receipts and notes and tickets into books for me or someone else to find and wonder about later.
On the other hand, it would be freeing to get rid of EVERYTHING and start again. It wouldn’t be that big a deal. You could cope. New photos, new clothes (I didn’t even open my drawers or wardrobe today – it was bits and bobs only) new memories, a clean slate. I like to flirt with this idea, but I’m not sure I could actually do it. Even some mementos from the last few years would make me feel safer, less sentimentally challenged. More like me.
Another thing – the dust (!!) and maybe the stripping of my brother’s equally ancient LFC wallpaper (I think) almost made my throat close up yesterday and today I feel like I have a sniffly, stuffy head cold but I’m still suspecting the dust.